Day Eight, After
“My eyes are dry, my faith is old,
My heart is hard, my prayers are cold.
And I know how I ought to be:
Alive to You and dead to me.”
So begins one of my favorite hymns. We sing it often at church before the communion. There are times that I relate to the songwriter’s remorse that his faith is old. I think after Covid we especially felt this way. Our hearts were hard. We were out of tears. It was all about me — that was the attitude. It took a tragedy of insurmountable horror to soften our hearts. To enable us to be share love again freely.
These past eight days have assuaged my hard heart – it’s tender now! I never realized how tender until I looked down into the face of a young girl, wearing a dainty pink dress. She was the same age as our Los Angelitos from Robb, and I told her to help herself to a piece of pizza. Yesterday, the Library was celebrating the beginning of our summer reading program, and, in the spirit of the moment, we decided to provide lunch for all our young readers and their parents. Unfortunately, pizza box after pizza box only revealed pizza that grownups like: vegetarian, chicken barbeque, tomato and basil, and the worse, Supreme with onions, olives, and bell peppers. The slices were laid out neatly on paper plates on a long table and nearly every child who came up to get a plate hesitated, looked up at their parental unit, then back down the table, and sighed.
She was no different. Big brown eyes glanced up at me, then swept down the line of paper plates which held, obviously, “ugh” grownup pizza, and then looked back up at me. I’m a hardened high school teacher in my past because I’ve relate better to older kids but after this past week, I want to love on these little ones.
“I bet you would like a pepperoni, wouldn’t you?” I said cheerfully, feeling my heart melt into my toes. Her head nodded, shaking her long black hair down her back. No way was I gonna disappoint her!
I looked at the stacks of unopened hot pizza boxes. Surely one held a pepperoni. I didn’t care how many I had to open; I was determined to find a pepperoni for this hungry princess! It took several tries, and I reminded the surprisingly patient girl several times that she was getting a pepperoni. Boxes were strewn everywhere but I finally found the delectable cheese-covered pizza dotted with thin slices of meaty goodness. The lunch of champions – or at least little girls dressed in pink.
She gave a shy happy grin when I handed her the plate ladened with its cheesy Italian treasure, carefully took it, then she went and sat down with her mom so they could eat together.
It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
And that wasn’t the only precious sight. Children of all ages were sitting with their parents and sharing a pizza and a laugh! Heavens! I hasn’t seen such joy in days. Many children in Uvalde have not smiled in since “that day.” Some of them are even afraid to leave their house. But at our little summer reading “festival,” a mother confided to our director, Mendell, that she witnessed her son smile and laugh for the first time after a week of numbness. We watched as he ran from the candy-cotton machine to the face-painting lady to the balloon man, delight clearly written on his sweet face. Other parents had a look of relief to see their children experienced carefree play and wonder.
So, yes … yes, my heart is tender. And as the funerals continue throughout this week, and the perfect angels are laid to rest in their custom-decorated coffins, my heart and yours are only going to get softer. We are being washed anew daily with each story we hear, like the one concerning a young father searching for a videographer because he wanted to record his precious daughter’s funeral service so, one day, he could show it to his younger children when they are older.
“What can be done to an old heart like mine?
Soften it up with oil and wine.
The oil is You, Your spirit of Love.
Please wash me anew in the wine of Your blood.”
A new softened heart must be put to use. Pray for the families. Pray for the littlest ones who don’t know what is happening. And then wrap your love around them and hug them tight.
We are #UvaldeStrong, yes. And we are #uvaldelove too. Now is the time to show it.
